Sunday, March 29, 2015

psycho chicks and "feminism"

   I already know this post is going to make people mad. I'm here today to talk about a group who is underrepresented in all discussions of sexual discrimination. This group is men.
   Right now I already feel the hate. Nobody feels men are ever victims of sexual discrimination, but to believe this one would also need to believe that only white people can be racists. The simple fact is that men can be sexually discriminated against and it happens much more then people may think. Let me break down three cases. First a close to home story for me. My father in law pushed his girlfriend away because she was a psycho and was attempting her best to cause him harm. When he pushed her she hit something and got a mark that was almost a bruise, he went to jail for assault. Next a worst case scenario. A former teacher of mine related to me a story of a friend from home. He was pinned down by his girlfriend and she was stabbing him, not with a traditional stabbing weapon but still an object that prolonged use would cause his death. The motion he used to get her off of him she interpreted as sexual. He was jailed and is a registered sex offender in his home state for saving his own life. And finally my "this could happen to you" story. I was staying with family when a house party somehow happened. My nephew was there and he was attempting to hook up with some friend of a friend who was there. He was stopped quickly for reasons I did not know about until the morning. Apparently the man with whom she did leave the party with while with her tongue three quarters down his throat and hand three quarters down his pants had attempted to rape her, despite everyone at the party knowing he was way too messed up to get it up. Fortunately she was known for doing this and the charges never stuck. There is a rising group of women in the world today who feel power in using their "disadvantaged" state as both sword and shield against men.
   Now as I feel the hate starting to burn me through my computer I feel the need to say I am not anti-feminist, I am a fan of any group seeking equality. I appreciate feminism, as long as it is used correctly.

I understand that within every sub-culture there are sub-sets within who are not helping your cause. I just became familiar with the term "maneater" feminism. The extremists types who basically think all men should be rounded up and shot for the crime of being men. Then there are women who like being complete skanks, and claim their choice to do so is a sign that they are liberated feminists. I understand that these types get too much of the press attention because they are controversial and muddy the waters of the feminist cause. But in turn with that it is important for others to see that men are not all sexual predators who will take advantage of women if given even any kind of chance.
   There is a term called Rape culture, a term I only recently became aware of. Basically it states that there is a belief that men see rape as acceptable, or that they believe rape to just be rough sex. There is a notion out there that some if not all men will engage in some form of rape at some point. A Video was recently online in which a women walked through the streets of New York and was filmed getting cat calls all day.
She saw this as harassment, every single man that showed interest in her she seemed to view as a potential threat. I will say that some were creepy, but if the backlash and parody videos are any indication, the internet mirrored my thought of overreaction and oversensitivity. Some women were even POed that she was mad about having so many offers simply because she wasn't not in the market at the time. The real problem is that she was not showing the minefield that women walk through everyday, she was showing the minefield men walk through everyday. The field where every action a man makes can label him a sexual predator. Another video around the time was of a woman who pretended to be drunk and filmed the overly anxious men wanting to "help" her out.
The video was staged, but initially NOBODY questioned that men would take advantage of women in this situation.
I was once flipped off by a woman who though I was trying to look up her skirt, I was in a public area trying to draw people who weren't moving for a life drawing class. My eyes constantly darting back and forth to a sketch book was apparently lost on her, I was just another perverted male.
   As a man I am genuinely mad that the term rape culture even exists, much less that is is so focused on men and our insatiable sexual appetite. We are not all rapist, we do not all discriminate. We do understand that rape is not acceptable. And yet we at any time we can become a victim, a victim of being a man who does what men are expected to do.


  1. Did you really just try to argue that as a male you're a victim? I get it, every majority has its minority to define itself; whether it be "man haters" labeling all feminists, perverts labeling all men, extremists labeling all Muslims, psychotics labeling all Christians, etc.

    First, the term "rape culture" is absolutely necessary, regardless of how genuinely upset you are that it exists. To clarify, it doesn't refer to men believe rape is acceptable. Few would argue that. Rape culture refers to its prevalence with the media (both entertainment and news) and its acceptability. Women are treated differently, in the worst of ways. Rape Culture is rampant, look at the language used to describe women vs. men as an example.

    Second, you say that all men aren't rapists, yet you're leading us (as readers) to believe all women look at men as if we're sexual deviants. Just like not all men have "insatiable sexual appetite," not all women, "think all men should be rounded up and shot for the crime of being men."

    Third, this is clearly "male privilege." You can't say that women in NY experienced a mine field of "where every action a man makes can label him a sexual predator" and say its wrong, when in fact most of those men were in the wrong. No girl, let alone person, should have to live with that on the regular.

    You're right we're not all rapists. The best way to translate that is to continue to not be a rapists and to promote a culture respects all genders and sexes. As a man I'm sorry for this column, classic victim blaming. If you're a women reading this, you're not the problem. We, the men, are.

  2. As a woman, I'm definitely guilty of sympathizing more with the women's side of this whole argument - it's easier to picture women as the victims of sexual abuse, but your post helped open my mind as to how men are often victimized too. It's just hard to find a definitive stance on this argument because men and women seem to have very different views, and I agree with parts of both.

  3. While I appreciate you expressing your opinion, I think you're falling into the very trap you say women fall into - generalization. I completely understand that men can be victims of sexual assault and sexual violence. However, I don't think that every action a man takes can make him appear as a sexual predator to women simply because he's a man. The fact is that rape rates are five times higher for women than for men according to the Bureau of Justice. So it's not so much that women are being ridiculous for being wary of men, it's that statistics show they have a reason to be. There's the real reason - they shouldn't have to feel like that. Women and men need to come together to change that, and that's the point of feminism. Great way to start a conversation though!